THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

  AGE        DRINK

  17         beer
  25         beer
  35         vodka
  48         double vodka
  66         Maalox

  SEDUCTION LINE

  17         My parents are away for the weekend.
  25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
  35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
  48         My wife is away for the weekend.
  66         My second wife is dead.

  FAVORITE SPORT
  17         sex
  25         sex
  35         sex
  48         sex
  66         napping

  DRUG
  17         pot
  25         coke
  35         really good coke
  48         power
  66         coke, a limousine, the company jet

  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
  17         "tongue"
  25         "breakfast"
  35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
  48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
  66         "Got home alive."

  FAVORITE FANTASY
  17         getting to third
  25         airplane sex
  35         menage a trois
  48         taking the company public
  66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

  HOUSE PET
  17         roaches
  25         stoned-out college roommate
  35         black lab
  48         children from his first marriage
  66         Barbi

  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
  17         25
  25         35
  35         48
  48         66
  66         17

  IDEAL DATE
  17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
  25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
  35         "Just come over."
  48         "Just come over and cook."
  66         sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.