THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

  AGE        DRINK

  17         Wine Coolers
  25         White wine
  35         Red wine
  48         Dom Perignon
  66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

  EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

  17         Need to wash my hair
  25         Need to need wash and condition my hair
  35         Need to color my hair
  48         Need to have Francois color my hair
  66         Need to have Francois color my wig

  FAVORITE SPORT

  17         shopping
  25         shopping
  35         shopping
  48         shopping
  66         shopping

  DRUG

  17         shopping
  25         shopping
  35         shopping
  48         shopping
  66         shopping

  DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

  17         "Burger King"
  25         "Free meal"
  35         "A diamond"
  48         "A bigger diamond"
  66         "Home Alone"

  FAVORITE FANTASY

  17         tall, dark and handsome
  25         tall, dark and handsome with money
  35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
  48         a man with hair
  66         a man

  HOUSE PET

  17         Muffy the cat
  25         Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
  35         Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
  48         Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
  66         Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs
             Muffy the Cat

  WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

  17         17
  25         25
  35         35
  48         48
  66         66

  IDEAL DATE

  17         He offers to pay
  25         He pays
  35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
  48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
  66         He can chew breakfast