Le cahos originel
Un chirurgien, un ingenieur civil et un programmeur argumentent a savoir
laquelle de leur trois professions est la plus ancienne.
Le chirurgien avance l'argument suivant: "He bien, dans la Bible, il est
ecrit que Dieu crea Eve a partir d'une cote prelevee sur Adam. On a
indubitablement affaire a un acte chirurgical. Cela prouve bien que ma
profession est la plus ancienne..."
L'ingenieur civil, interrompant le chirurgien, dit a son tour: "Dans le
livre de la Genese, avant meme la creation d'Adam et Eve, il est ecrit que
Dieu crea le Ciel et la Terre a partir du chaos originel. C'est la
certainement la premiere et la plus spectaculaire oeuvre de genie civil
qui soit. Ainsi, cher docteur, vous avez tort: c'est ma profession qui est
la plus ancienne."
Le programmeur, bien calé dans son fauteuil, arbore un large sourire
confiant et leur dit: "Ah, mais qui selon vous est responsable du chaos
originel?".
Adam dit à Dieu :
- Ecoute Dieu; Tu m'as donné 32 dents, c'est très bien. Ceci dit, tu ne m'as mis qu'une seule zigounette; Tu ne pourrais pas faire l'inverse ?. Ce serait sympa; Allez sois sympa; Je préférerais.
- Ecoute Adam ...Heu ... Bon c'est d'accord.
Et Adam se retrouve avec une seule dent, mais par contre, 32 zigounettes; Un véritable collier de zigounettes. Il s'en va tout fier, mais Dieu le rappelle :
- Eh dis donc ! Et les trois caisses de roubignoles là; Tu crois pas que c'est moi qui vais les porter !
ADAM & WOMAN
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden,
Adam calls out,
- "Lord, I have a problem."
- "What's the problem, Adam?", The Lord replies.
- "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for
me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all
of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
- "Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
- "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely
food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
- "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I
shall create a 'woman' for you."
- "What's a 'woman', Lord?"
- "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and
beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent
that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will
be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and
how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens
and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and
desire. She will be the perfect
companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
- "Sounds great."
- "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
- "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
- "She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and
concern on his face. Finally Adam asks the Lord,
- "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"
DIRECTIONS FOR ADAM & EVE
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said,
"It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of
populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord
gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand
and took her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord,
that Was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy
that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "
'What is a 'caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief
description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and
said, "'Lord, that was even better than the kiss."
And
the Lord said, "'You've done well Adam. And now I want
you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make
love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and
Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he
reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"