Collected/Stolen from peoples sigs, a page in finland,  and  lots
of other places.

Share and Enjoy !

 A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the
basis  of  being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an
infinite series of incomprehensive answers  calculated  with  mi-
crometric  precisions  from  vague assumptions based on debatable
figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on  in-
struments  of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious relia-
bility and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose  of  an-
noying  and  confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that
was unfortunate enough to ask for the information  in  the  first
place.

-- IEEE Grid newsmagazine

 Solaris 2.1: It's slow, needs  200M  of  disk  space  and  comes
without  a  C  compiler,  which  makes it remarkably close to MS-
Windows.

-- oleg@gd.cs.csufresno.edu

 Real programmers add features to programs by removing code.

 Duct tape is like the Force. It has a lightside, and a dark side
and It holds the universe together.

 Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of Unix,  although
they  should have sufficiently good programming taste to not con-
sider this an achievement.

-- MIT AI Lab job ad, Comm. of the ACM, v35/n6,  June  1992,  pp.
160

 Well you know, C isn't that hard,  void  (*(*f[])())()  for  in-
stance  defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to
functions that return pointers to functions that return void... I
think.

 He who fights and runs away, lives to nuke the site from orbit.

 Avoid bus errors... Take the train!

-- Nick Triantos

 Bus error, passengers dumped. Not in service.

-- Jim Browne

 No-smoking section in a restaurant is like a  no-peeing  section
in a pool.

 We are Microsoft.
 Unix is irrelevant.
 OS/2 is irrelevant.
 Openess is futile.
 Prepare to be assimilated.

-- prs@turing.org

 Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the si-
tuation.

 Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ...  and
the only one that can be mass produced with
 unskilled labor.

-- Werner von Braun

 Good judgement is the result of experience.
 Experience is the result of bad judgement.

 Experience is what allows us to recognize a mistake  the  second
time we make it.

 I don't mind you making mistakes, as long as you make new ones.

 If God had meant for us to use computers, he would have given us
only two fingers to count with.

 The steady state of disks is full.

-- Ken Thompson

 Working computer hardware is like an erect penis: It stays up as
long as you don't fuck with it.

 Baldric, you wouldn't know a cunning plan if it  painted  itself
blue  and  danced  naked on top of a harpsichord singing `cunning
plans are here again!'"

--E. Blackadder III

The law of inanimate reproduction:

 If you take something apart  and  put  it  back  together  again
enough  times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to
build a second one.

 God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain  number  of  things.
Right now I am so far behind I will never die.

--Calvin & Hobbes

 Rats and roaches live by competition under the  laws  of  supply
and demand; it is the privilege of human beings to live under the
laws of justice and mercy.

-- Wendell Berry

 You really should change your position on abortion, you know.

-- Katharine Hepburn to George Bush, November 1990

 The Pledge of Allegiance says '..with liberty  and  justice  for
all'. What part of 'all' don't you understand?

--Rep. Pat Schroeder (D) Colorado

 nonpracticing ambisexual - i don't give a fuck either way

 Borg Spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3


  - bjelli@cosy.sbg.ac.at last modified: Sun, Mar 20  1994  15:32
MET

 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.

-- nobody@nowhere