Collected/Stolen from peoples sigs, a page in finland, and lots of other places. Share and Enjoy ! A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with mi- crometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on in- struments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious relia- bility and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of an- noying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place. -- IEEE Grid newsmagazine Solaris 2.1: It's slow, needs 200M of disk space and comes without a C compiler, which makes it remarkably close to MS- Windows. -- oleg@gd.cs.csufresno.edu Real programmers add features to programs by removing code. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a lightside, and a dark side and It holds the universe together. Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of Unix, although they should have sufficiently good programming taste to not con- sider this an achievement. -- MIT AI Lab job ad, Comm. of the ACM, v35/n6, June 1992, pp. 160 Well you know, C isn't that hard, void (*(*f[])())() for in- stance defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void... I think. He who fights and runs away, lives to nuke the site from orbit. Avoid bus errors... Take the train! -- Nick Triantos Bus error, passengers dumped. Not in service. -- Jim Browne No-smoking section in a restaurant is like a no-peeing section in a pool. We are Microsoft. Unix is irrelevant. OS/2 is irrelevant. Openess is futile. Prepare to be assimilated. -- prs@turing.org Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the si- tuation. Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Werner von Braun Good judgement is the result of experience. Experience is the result of bad judgement. Experience is what allows us to recognize a mistake the second time we make it. I don't mind you making mistakes, as long as you make new ones. If God had meant for us to use computers, he would have given us only two fingers to count with. The steady state of disks is full. -- Ken Thompson Working computer hardware is like an erect penis: It stays up as long as you don't fuck with it. Baldric, you wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself blue and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing `cunning plans are here again!'" --E. Blackadder III The law of inanimate reproduction: If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one. God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die. --Calvin & Hobbes Rats and roaches live by competition under the laws of supply and demand; it is the privilege of human beings to live under the laws of justice and mercy. -- Wendell Berry You really should change your position on abortion, you know. -- Katharine Hepburn to George Bush, November 1990 The Pledge of Allegiance says '..with liberty and justice for all'. What part of 'all' don't you understand? --Rep. Pat Schroeder (D) Colorado nonpracticing ambisexual - i don't give a fuck either way Borg Spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 - bjelli@cosy.sbg.ac.at last modified: Sun, Mar 20 1994 15:32 MET Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. -- nobody@nowhere