Virus Warning
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately.
Do not open
it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
- It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
delete
anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes
the stripes
on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code,
screws up the
tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any
CD's you
attempt to play.
- It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's temperature settings so all
your ice
cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone
autodial to call
only your mother-in-law's number.
- It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee
table when
you are expecting company.
- It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all
while
dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their
hotel
rendezvous to your Visa card.
- It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your
backup
files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and
incorporating
undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of
key
sentences.
- If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95 environment, it
will leave
the toilet seat up and leave your hairdryer plugged in dangerously
close to a
full bathtub.
- It will replace all your sandwich fillings with Spam. It will
molecularly
rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like garlic.
- It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is
also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs of infection.